Doubting
by ac-the-brain-supreme
Summary: Hotaru doubts many things in her life. The good and the bad.


_Hello Sailor Moon fans! Tis I, the authoress A.C. I have travelled far from my homeland of the Fandom of Yugioh on the request of a patron of my writings from the far away galaxy of Gaia._

_In plain speak, this is my first venture of fanfiction outside of Yugioh. At least the first on fanfiction. I have a Gaia account and I have a store where people can buy stories from me. And this one girl said that I was really good, and that if I put it on this site, she would review to no end. And since I am addicted to reviews, I have placed this here! So please enjoy!_

**ac-the-brain-supreme does not own Yu-- I MEAN! uh...Sailor Moon. Sorry. Force of habit D**

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It...It's so dark. Where am I? Beneath me is something soft. Above me there is nothing but air. I can't see very well. Everything is blurry. I rub my eyes. I don't understand what's going on. Did...did I have another seizure? My eyesight is becoming better. I blink and I see the door of my room cracked open just so. The room is dark. The only light, as far as I can see, is coming through the door.

Things are coming into more definition now that I've cleared my sight. I'm in my room. On my bed. Who put me here? Was it Daddy? Or Kaorinite? What was the last thing I did? I close my eyes and try to go back as far as I can. Chibiusa. I think I was with Chibiusa. I must've had a fit when I was with her. Usagi or Chibiusa's mom must've taken me home. I don't know. All I can remember is Chibiusa and her smiling face.

I sigh. Maybe I should get up and go tell someone that I'm awake. Maybe I should just stay in bed. After all, I did just have another fit. So it's probably a good idea to just stay in bed. I'll wait for someone to come and get me. I roll in my bed. I look out my window. It must be night. I wonder how long I've been asleep. I wonder what happened to me. For some reason, I've been having more and more seizures recently. Large chunks of my memory have gone missing because of that. Normally nowadays, Daddy's staying in his lab more often. I wonder what he does when he's down there. It must be very important.

There are footsteps in the hallway. They stop very near my door. After a minute, the footsteps continue down the hall. They didn't come in. They didn't see if I was awake. Nothing. Maybe I'm not here. Maybe I died and I'm haunting my room now. No! That's insane. I'm not dead! They probably just didn't think I was awake because I look like I'm asleep. I must've been asleep for a long time now, then.

What time is it? What time was it when I had my fit? I look at the clock next to my bed. It's much too dark to see anything. I groan softly. I sit in my bed. I'm still in my clothes from earlier. I must've been put to bed as soon as I got home. Then what? Was I tended to? Did Chibiusa leave my house as soon as she could? Did she just hand me off to the first adult she saw and leave me? No! Of course she would do that. Chibiusa is my friend! She would never do that. She would be by my side for as long as she was able to. She must've gone home because it was getting late. Daddy must've just let her watch me and ask her what was going on. Maybe Kaorinite watched me for a little. She may be mean and nasty and doesn't seem to like Chibiusa that much, I know she wants to take care of me.

Since I'm weak and sickly.

And just sleeping with Daddy isn't going to get her very far.

Daddy needs to know that she likes his only child. The same child he cares for with all his heart. At least that much I know. My Daddy loves me with every last ounce of his heart. He shows that to me every chance he gets. In some way, in some form, he shows me. It may be as small as asking me how my day was, or as big as going out of his way to get me some toy that I mentioned in passing I was interested in. But, some shadow of doubt always crosses my mind when I think that. That maybe he treats me that way because of my condition. Would he treat me the same way if I was healthy? Maybe he talks about how horrible a daughter I am to Kaorinite. But he's my Daddy. He wouldn't do that. He could never do that. Right?

I get out of bed. I want to see what time it is. Maybe turn on a light, leave the room. I don't care what I do, I just want to know that I can get out of the darkness. I don't want to be in it right now. A need to be with my father suddenly hits me. I feel like I'll cry if I don't get to hug him for just a second. I start to walk over to my door. I gasp and look to the wall. My heart starts to slow to it's original speed. I caught myself while passing a mirror. I don't know why I was so scared. Maybe just the glimpse of something that shouldn't be there. A quick moment of shock. I start to giggle. It was nothing but a mirror. Nothing but my reflection. I can see the smile I have in my reflection.

I frown and stop laughing. Is that really my reflection? I'm not sure. I think my reflection should look different. Maybe paler, more drawn skin. My hair should be a little more messed up. My eyes should be paler. I should have bags of skin sagging around my eyelids. I shouldn't be looking this pretty. I shouldn't be looking this nice and well-put together. I should look the way I am. A sickly girl with almost no friends and who doubts everything in her life. Because that's what I am. In a period of five minutes I have doubted my best friend's loyalty to me, I have doubted my care-taker's feelings for me, I have doubted my father's love for me. How cruel am I? I don't deserve any of them.

I walk over to my dresser and quickly and quietly change into my pajamas. I get into my bed and lie down. I stare at my dark ceiling for a long time before finally falling back into a shallow sleep.

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_Review please!_


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